A loooong time ago.. On March 28th, a woman had her LMP. On April 7th, this woman conceived a child with a man named Jay.
Fast forward to May 3 - My period was laaaaate and I was worried. I talked to my sister and she said "Ohhh girl, take a pg test, you will get Aunt Flow the next day. It works every time for me!" Trusting my sister, I drove to the store, bought a test, came home, tinkled. Left the test on the counter, and put the wash in the dryer. I came back to check on my 'Sure to be NEGATIVE pg test' and it was positive.
I was freaking out. I was to young, I was not married, I had a dog, and ohh no my mother. A huuuge list of worries. I went to work and followed my regular routine that day. The next morning I had breakfast with my mother. I had a terrible cold (apparently a pg symptom) and my mother being well prepared offered me some codeine cough syrup. I declined, obviously. My mother asked why, I loudly blurted out, very hysterical, "I'M KNOCKED UP!!!" in the middle of a very busy IHOP. My mother was not pleased.
After discussing being a dumb *ss and my options, or lack of options rather, I was directed to visit her work later, pee in front of her and take a pg test.. as if my current test was forged by stolen urine? Anyways, I buy a test, drink a whole bunch of orange juice and then could not 'go' because my very disturbed mother was sitting across the toilet starring at me, pants at my ankles, hand between my legs, attempting to take a pg test. Very interesting to say the least. The test came up positive after I was finally able to go. My mother somehow was still surprised and admitted that she was expecting it to say 'not pregnant'. This was one of those many moments that I was very grateful that my smarts came from dear ol' dad.
Next was the responsibility to tell "Jay". I called him, sent him a pg test pic, text messaged, emailed.. homeboy was avoiding me. So I tracked down his twin brother two weeks later and gave him my verified pg form. "Jay" called me in 20 minutes, stepping up and asking what i needed done. So the lesson here ladies, is, stalk their family when they flake out (: The brother might claim to have been accosted, but he will get over it.
And that is the end of that, Craaaaazy stuff.
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